How do you tell friends who struggle with infertility that you are pregnant?
M B asked:
I work with and am good friends with the female. At work, we sit side by side. They have been trying for a while. My husband and I just recently started trying and already have results. I asked her how she would like me to handle it if we did become pregnant and she said she would want me to handle it the same way I do with everything else with her. However, when she talks about other friends that are pregnant it is a stressful and troublesome issue for her.
Jayme
I work with and am good friends with the female. At work, we sit side by side. They have been trying for a while. My husband and I just recently started trying and already have results. I asked her how she would like me to handle it if we did become pregnant and she said she would want me to handle it the same way I do with everything else with her. However, when she talks about other friends that are pregnant it is a stressful and troublesome issue for her.
Jayme
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March 23rd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Emilia
I’d wait until they ask you how you’ve been doing…It might be a bit of a blow at first, but know that it isn’t your fault. If they’re good friends, they’ll be happy for you, no matter what. Encourage them to discuss whatever negative feelings they have. Best of luck.
March 25th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Cher
wow that is a hard one to answer . if she is a good friend you could A: HIDE IT FROM HER AND SHE’D PROBABLY GET MAD or B: TELL HER BUT DON’T KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT OVER AND OVER IN HER PRESENCE it’s ok for you to be excited and dealing with a delicate situation like this is never easy . you’ll make the right choice and by the way GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS !!
March 26th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Betsey
Be honest with her – if you avoid telling her then you risk offending this person by hiding it – there may be a little sadness especially if the person cant have children but I am sure she will really happy for you as well.
March 27th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Leisa
As hart as it may sounds, but you should tell her as soon as possible,she will find out soon anyways. It is always better as well when she hears it from you than from somebody else.It will keep your friendship up with her and she will trust you even more.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:10 am
Giuseppe
Very carefully!
April 1st, 2009 at 6:38 am
Gennie
Well it’s obvious you can’t keep it a secret for long. Tell her as soon as possible, be happy and confident about it but be gentle for her sake.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:41 am
Ena
I had the same problem with my sister. I am 26 and have three children. My last son was a complete surprise. My sister and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for about 7 years and when I found out that I was pregnant, I was so scared to tell my sister. I felt like she would hate me. My husband had just came back home from active duty in February and I was pregnant by August. I eventually sat her down and told her. She was not mad, but I could see it in her face that she was disappointed. she recently had a baby four months ago, so believe that in due time your friend will get pregnant.
April 4th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Serafina
Tell her but don’t make a big deal about it in her presence. Keep the talking about it to a minimal.
April 4th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Lanny
Hold her hand & say this: “I’m pregnant & I strongly believe this to be a prayer contact with God to do your miracle sooner than you ever expect.”
April 7th, 2009 at 12:32 am
Gabriela
There’s no good way. Tell them right out. Don’t let them find out through the backdoor. If they’re friends, they’re going to know about it soon enough when you start to show.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Drema
It will naturally bring up some emotions for her. But she will share your joy. It is true that you should treat her like any other friend. She may be hurt if she finds out that you kept this from her. She probably already feels isolation now that she is Struggling With Infertility. Not telling her would just confirm to her that she is “different.” Take care
April 10th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Gabriella
Well, a true friend would share in your happiness. But of course, it would be a truer friend that would think of the other’s feelings. You are already on the right track.
I would minimize, but not completely eliminate the baby chat at the office. (It is kind of annoying to me, with 3 kids, when some expectant mothers prattle on about the fancy strollers and other crap they are going to buy for a kid that won’t care). She would probably be interested in the well-being of yourself and the baby and be willing to share this special time.
If you were close enough before to discuss her fertility challenges, then continue as usual. If you start avoiding the topic, then she will feel left out. If it wasn’t coffee talk to begin with, then don’t start now.
Good luck with your pregnancy and good luck to your friend, too!
April 11th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Cornelius
Try this: I know you have been trying to get pregnant without results. We have also been trying to get pregnant. And I have recently found out that I am pregnant. It hurts me to tell you cause I also feel your pain. I just wanted you to hear it from me. And I hope soon, you too can come and tell me your good results. I am worried this is gonna put a strain on our relationship. And I don’t want that. Your friendship is valuable to me. I hope the best for you. Hope you and your friend work things out.(Maby you and your husband would consider making your coworker/friend the baby’s god parent).